That title is in reference to a game I’m playing, and anyone who’s reading this has probably heard of said game: Genshin Impact.

Why am I writing about this game? Well, mainly because of a conversation that happened a few months back, but also because it seems to be occupying a lot of my headspace right now.

The game is really long. 141 hours of gameplay, to be exact, and it’s only 24% complete. It scares me a lot, honestly; in my life, where I’m shoving time around for all the extracurriculars I’m already juggling, that basically means there’s an infinite amount of gameplay.

I only came to this realization when the leaks for the complete map of the world were posted on Instagram, and made their way into my feed. So far the map is… around 20% done, and it’s already 20GB; which means the full map will be around 100GB, and my phone doesn’t even have enough space for that.

It’s terrifying. Utterly terrifying. The deepness of things has always scared me a lot, I think— I always seemed to be afraid of deep dark water, be it in the ocean above a trench or in a pool in the deep end six feet tall.

It makes me wonder if this fear is limiting my potential. If it came to affect something as trivial as a game I’m not even fully dedicating myself to, then how will it affect things I genuinely care about?

Maybe the fear will be brushed aside because I worry more about the thing I care about; maybe the fear will prevent me from doing it.

Hell, maybe it already did. Maybe this fear is so natural that it’s already affected me to the point of no return— maybe it’s up to me to realize and snap myself out of it.

This entry could be something I’ll read in a few years time and pale at, because I would realize that I still haven’t found out if this inane fear affects me, or it could be something I would shake my head and laugh solemnly at, realizing that I was so close to learning a lesson that would have benefited me years ago.

Maybe this type of wondering is already a demonstration of that fear. All of my entries so far have been about things deeper than I can reach with my experience currently— the one about Subway was about me facing the fear of the unknown and talking to a person, the one about the cold was about how I wasn’t sure if I could face the heat. This one is all fears of things I don’t know now, but things I could know if I reached just a little further.

But the problem is that if I want to touch the ground now, I’ll have to sink below the waves; and then I face my fears of drowning (I’ve always said, from grade four to now, that suffocation is the most painful death after burning alive), which is a whole other depth I don’t want to get to the bottom of.

I’m going to go play Genshin Impact now.

I need to get to Adventure Rank Level 35 to play Zhongli’s last quest.